The Tall Tale of Mr Toolman
I Am Alive!!!!!!!
Oops, it appears Mr Toolman has taken off without his finishing touches! Sometime during the night he slipped out of the garage where he had been anxiously awaiting his skin tones. A particularly perceptive and beautiful dog next door reported to the police that a strange mechanical man had mentioned to her that while having a degree of trepidation about the dark, he was also very hungry and was on his way out for a bagel.
Mr Toolman had now been missing for several days and was confused and disoriented. A school of fish sighted him at a depth of 20,000 leagues off the east coast of Florida, heading further east into international waters. Conflicting reports indicated that he was either under attack by a giant squid or being lured by mermaids into a life insurance scam. Still others insisted that he was safely on his way to France.
Despite breaking off a relationship with a giant sea creature who seriously misunderstood his good intentions, Mr Toolman struggled but make a clean break of it like a gentleman. He arrived safely in France and while not knowing why, he knew he must go to Giverny, and secretly wait for Godot.
Gardeners at Giverny claim that a shiny giant hand tool spent the day with Claude Monet discussing the play of light and shadow while swimming among an assortment of lily pads. While voices were raised over whether undertones should be painted with cadmium red or crimson red, there was solid agreement that yellow ochre tasted pretty bad and that paint thinner while bad for the environment had to be used in some cases.
Critics are raving about Mr Toolman’s supporting role in Mary Poppins on the London stage! While finding the mix of two and three dimensions more than a little confusing, he was immediately picked for the role of “man walking in the background” from a number of applicants when he accidentally strolled through the theater looking for a drink of water. He is currently considering other roles offered to him as a result of the demands of his growing fan base. It is rumored that he will be a ripple of water in an upcoming performance of Swan Lake. Then it’s on to playing the little black gal in Gone With the Wind, although he’s having trouble feeling his big line, “…oh miss, I don’t know what I’s thinkin’, I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies!”
Thought to be making his way home to his creator, (me), Mr Toolman, was ship wrecked and washed ashore on a tiny island and was immediately staked to the ground by hundreds of its frightened tiny inhabitants.
Intense negotiations failed to sway the little people to release him until the mayor of the nearby seaside vacation community cited municipal code sections C-113 and D216-b, which clearly state that all large creatures washed ashore named Gulliver are welcome. Mr Toolman proclaimed that he was indeed Gulliver and that he was traveling and merely had a run in with a crazy white whale and meant no disrespect by not having an invitation. All was well until he asked for suntan lotion, nachos and a hammock. He was given a medal and politely asked to leave and was again headed for home.
In a brilliant move Mr Toolman was able to fashion a sail from his hammock and guided by the previously mentioned school of fish was able to make his way across the Atlantic.
Upon arriving back in America, a little known coastal band of hostiles mistook him for the first of another race of invaders, but surrendered him for a replica of himself made of solid gold, and an aircraft carrier.
I assembled an airplane out of spare parts and met him in New York and with a little ingenuity we were on our way home. We were comfortable knowing nothing could possibly go wrong now.
Besides the F-18s that were scrambled to a false alert of an alien invasion, and the missiles, there were no real problems with our trip home. Mr Toolman was heard to say, “I’ve had my fun with giant squids, waiting for strangers to happen by, swimming with Monet, appearing in musicals, meeting hundreds of tiny people, and stunt flying. It’s somehow strangely peaceful to now be bolted to a sidewalk, but I know I’m making Justin happy. A year from now, I may take up painting, and give relationships with multi-tentacled deep sea creatures another try. Come visit me. I’ll be out there chillin’.”
